It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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