there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
