also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
