I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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