Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
