WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
