ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
