Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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