It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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