we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
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We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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