I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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