And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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