Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
