He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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