Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
