Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
