i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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