u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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