so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
