She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Did I show you my penis last night?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
