The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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