I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
