After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am naked and annoyed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
