It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
