You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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