I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
