This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
