I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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