Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
