we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm too high and old for this...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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