Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
