Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
