the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
