Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka?
Forever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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