Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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