there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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