yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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