Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
why didn't you poke me back
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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