Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't deserve a penis
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
