Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
