Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
