do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
