'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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