I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
