I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
