i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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