Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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