I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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