Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
