I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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