Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
