Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
