I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
