I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
