she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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