There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
