there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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