i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
