So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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