no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
