The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
