chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
