Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
