I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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