I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
