remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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