im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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