You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
