Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
